How To Handle The Loss Of A Pet
By: SeniorDogs.com
Best-selling author and animal advocate Jon Katz has been writing about dogs for over a decade. Many of his own, past a present, have taken center stage fiction and nonfiction books such as “The Dogs of Bedlam Farms,” “A Dog Year,” “Izzy and Lenore” and “Rose in a Storm.”
Katz wrote “Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die” to provide guidance, support and advice for people on how to handle the loss of a pet.
Reuters spoke with Katz to discuss his new book and how people can cope with life when the family pet passes away.
Q: What was the biggest surprise for you in researching books about pets and grieving?
A: “I found that almost every book had to do with the afterlife. Not a single book said, ‘This is what is known about things that will help you grieve.’ So I started talking to vets and psychologists and gathering information and interviewing maybe 200 different people about what was helpful to them.”
Q: And what did you find?
A: “People need to bring rituals into grieving. Memorial services, remembrances, pictures — those are concrete things that make grieving tangible. The Internet offers all kinds of opportunities for this like making digital albums and Facebook pages. People used to have to hide grief. You couldn’t go to your boss and say, ‘I need a week off, my cat died.’ You probably still can’t, but you do need to say, ‘I’m having a tough time.’”
Best-selling author and animal advocate Jon Katz has been writing about dogs for over a decade. Many of his own, past a present, have taken center stage fiction and nonfiction books such as “The Dogs of Bedlam Farms,” “A Dog Year,” “Izzy and Lenore” and “Rose in a Storm.”
Katz wrote “Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die” to provide guidance, support and advice for people on how to handle the loss of a pet.
Reuters spoke with Katz to discuss his new book and how people can cope with life when the family pet passes away.
Q: What was the biggest surprise for you in researching books about pets and grieving?
A: “I found that almost every book had to do with the afterlife. Not a single book said, ‘This is what is known about things that will help you grieve.’ So I started talking to vets and psychologists and gathering information and interviewing maybe 200 different people about what was helpful to them.”
Q: And what did you find?
A: “People need to bring rituals into grieving. Memorial services, remembrances, pictures — those are concrete things that make grieving tangible. The Internet offers all kinds of opportunities for this like making digital albums and Facebook pages. People used to have to hide grief. You couldn’t go to your boss and say, ‘I need a week off, my cat died.’ You probably still can’t, but you do need to say, ‘I’m having a tough time.’”
Q: No doubt your own personal experience went in to this.
A: “I’m one of those people who has always struggled with emotions and revealing them. When my dog Orson died, I did this very male thing of ‘It’s just a dog and I’ll just move on.’ I was very slow to grasp the emotion. But Orson is the reason I started writing about dogs. He’s the first (dog) book I wrote and HBO did a movie about him (“A Dog Year”). Writing this book inspired me to go back and look at the impact of his loss and on my life, as well as other dogs that I’ve lost.”
Q: You ended up putting Orson down. How does one deal with the guilt of making such a decision?
A: “It’s important to remember that the animals are not grieving with us. They’re very accepting. They’re not lying there thinking ‘How could you do this to me? Why aren’t you keeping me going?’ Pets don’t do the human things of guilt and anger and recrimination that we do. They come and go with great acceptance.
“One idea that I advocate is the dealing with guilt directly. Acknowledge the good life, remember the good things you did with your pet — the places you took them, the affection you showed them. Remind those who have lost a pet that they generally gave their pets a good life and that’s a good thing, so don’t forget that.”
A: “I’m one of those people who has always struggled with emotions and revealing them. When my dog Orson died, I did this very male thing of ‘It’s just a dog and I’ll just move on.’ I was very slow to grasp the emotion. But Orson is the reason I started writing about dogs. He’s the first (dog) book I wrote and HBO did a movie about him (“A Dog Year”). Writing this book inspired me to go back and look at the impact of his loss and on my life, as well as other dogs that I’ve lost.”
Q: You ended up putting Orson down. How does one deal with the guilt of making such a decision?
A: “It’s important to remember that the animals are not grieving with us. They’re very accepting. They’re not lying there thinking ‘How could you do this to me? Why aren’t you keeping me going?’ Pets don’t do the human things of guilt and anger and recrimination that we do. They come and go with great acceptance.
“One idea that I advocate is the dealing with guilt directly. Acknowledge the good life, remember the good things you did with your pet — the places you took them, the affection you showed them. Remind those who have lost a pet that they generally gave their pets a good life and that’s a good thing, so don’t forget that.”
Q: Is there any way to prepare for a pet’s death?
A: “If you’re going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you’re going to lose them. It’s helpful when you get a dog to accept the fact that this dog is not going to be with you your whole life.”
Q: Is getting another dog acceptable in getting over the previous one? It’s not a betrayal to the one you lost?
A: “I’m always happy when people choose to get another dog because it’s a healthy and healing thing to do, and there are millions of them needing homes. But there is no single time frame to do it in because grieving is an intensely personal experience. In my case, I get another dog as soon as I feel ready. As a dog lover, it is right for me to have them.
“With children, I don’t think it’s good if you go out and immediately get another dog or cat. Animals are not disposable any more than people. Children need to see that the loss is important, and the family should take time to honor that.”
A: “If you’re going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you’re going to lose them. It’s helpful when you get a dog to accept the fact that this dog is not going to be with you your whole life.”
Q: Is getting another dog acceptable in getting over the previous one? It’s not a betrayal to the one you lost?
A: “I’m always happy when people choose to get another dog because it’s a healthy and healing thing to do, and there are millions of them needing homes. But there is no single time frame to do it in because grieving is an intensely personal experience. In my case, I get another dog as soon as I feel ready. As a dog lover, it is right for me to have them.
“With children, I don’t think it’s good if you go out and immediately get another dog or cat. Animals are not disposable any more than people. Children need to see that the loss is important, and the family should take time to honor that.”
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The Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water, and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who are hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who are hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, your hands caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together….
Author unknown
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together….
Author unknown
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Author Unknown
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Author Unknown
Hi Mom,
Now that I’ve been across The Rainbow Bridge for a couple weeks, they said I should write a letter home.
Sorry, Mom but I’m so busy ‘across the bridge’ that I haven’t thought of home much. They said it’s okay and that you would understand. I hope you do. (I think you will.)
Remember that night when I wasn’t feeling very well and we were all crying?
I don’t remember much, but I do remember seeing and hearing all of you and feeling your touches and hugs…I remember hearing “we love you” and that one last command of “Go through”.
I didn’t know what you meant, so I turned around and walked through the fog that was in front of me.
I saw the biggest bridge I’ve ever seen! And so many friends on the other side of it!
They were all playing with toys and balls!
You were right to tell me to go there!
My feet kept moving forward, but my heart kept pulling me back.
Your touches became lighter and lighter and I wanted to come back and nudge your hands for more love, but I was overcome by this feeling of curiosity for the happy place over the bridge!
My feet started moving on their own, like a gentle breeze was moving them forward for me!
I can’t explain it, but I had no doubt that it was the right thing to do!
So, I walked across that big, huge bridge by myself!
I looked for you, because you’re always by my side, walking with me, but this was different.
I didn’t have a collar around my neck or a leash connecting me to you ~ I was ‘free’!
Even though you weren’t there with me, I never felt alone!
I actually felt like I had a huge cape of love wrapped around my body and the more I walked, the easier it was to breathe!
So, I kept walking!
And I would feel more warmth in the big hug, so I kept on walking!
I eventually made it over the big bridge – I did it by myself, mom. When I got here, all of my new friends greeted me and helped me walk off the bridge ~ it was so cool!
They gave me a pair of wings and said that I was now a Guardian Angel!
What I’ve learned over these past few weeks has been amazing and nothing like I’ve seen before!
We’re all the same up here ~ we all have wings and we all have Forever People to watch over ~ that’s YOU, mom !
You’re my Forever Person and I’m your Forever Dog!
We had such a great life together and I do miss you a LOT, but please know that I am so happy in my new home across The Bridge!
I’ll send you another Earth Angel so you won’t be alone.
Give them your whole heart, like you gave it to me.
I’ll check in every so often to make sure they treasure your love ~ I always did!
When you miss me, think of a rainbow and know I’m on the other side of it, waiting to walk with you again.
I’ll always be in your heart.
I love you, mom!
Time for me to go play.”
-Author Unknown
Now that I’ve been across The Rainbow Bridge for a couple weeks, they said I should write a letter home.
Sorry, Mom but I’m so busy ‘across the bridge’ that I haven’t thought of home much. They said it’s okay and that you would understand. I hope you do. (I think you will.)
Remember that night when I wasn’t feeling very well and we were all crying?
I don’t remember much, but I do remember seeing and hearing all of you and feeling your touches and hugs…I remember hearing “we love you” and that one last command of “Go through”.
I didn’t know what you meant, so I turned around and walked through the fog that was in front of me.
I saw the biggest bridge I’ve ever seen! And so many friends on the other side of it!
They were all playing with toys and balls!
You were right to tell me to go there!
My feet kept moving forward, but my heart kept pulling me back.
Your touches became lighter and lighter and I wanted to come back and nudge your hands for more love, but I was overcome by this feeling of curiosity for the happy place over the bridge!
My feet started moving on their own, like a gentle breeze was moving them forward for me!
I can’t explain it, but I had no doubt that it was the right thing to do!
So, I walked across that big, huge bridge by myself!
I looked for you, because you’re always by my side, walking with me, but this was different.
I didn’t have a collar around my neck or a leash connecting me to you ~ I was ‘free’!
Even though you weren’t there with me, I never felt alone!
I actually felt like I had a huge cape of love wrapped around my body and the more I walked, the easier it was to breathe!
So, I kept walking!
And I would feel more warmth in the big hug, so I kept on walking!
I eventually made it over the big bridge – I did it by myself, mom. When I got here, all of my new friends greeted me and helped me walk off the bridge ~ it was so cool!
They gave me a pair of wings and said that I was now a Guardian Angel!
What I’ve learned over these past few weeks has been amazing and nothing like I’ve seen before!
We’re all the same up here ~ we all have wings and we all have Forever People to watch over ~ that’s YOU, mom !
You’re my Forever Person and I’m your Forever Dog!
We had such a great life together and I do miss you a LOT, but please know that I am so happy in my new home across The Bridge!
I’ll send you another Earth Angel so you won’t be alone.
Give them your whole heart, like you gave it to me.
I’ll check in every so often to make sure they treasure your love ~ I always did!
When you miss me, think of a rainbow and know I’m on the other side of it, waiting to walk with you again.
I’ll always be in your heart.
I love you, mom!
Time for me to go play.”
-Author Unknown
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